Margot’s Corner

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Yesterday AM, I waked up and said, “This is the day that the Lord has made.  I will be glad and rejoice in it.”  Not that I was feeling joyous, you understand, yet I decided to have this attitude of mind.  This morning, I am filled with gratefulness, for all of you who are upholding me in prayer! 

The first session of chemotherapy went very well!  I tolerated the “prep” drugs — 2 oral (steroids, Benadryl) and 2 infused [anti-nausea] — and  the 4 chemotherapy infused drugs.  no allergic reaction, no discomfort, no pain.  I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Last night, I slept well and woke up this morning feeling normal.  I perhaps am still feeling the “jazzed” effects of steroids yet the Benadryl allowed me to nap during the session.  With permission, I took 2 Benadryl last night before bed. 

I am extremely grateful for “smooth sailing” these first 24 hours.  I am prepared for the next 5 days, in terms of what to expect as my body adjusts to the chemo drugs.  Please continue to pray:  for tolerable short-term side effects and for no debilitating, chronic, long-term side effects. 

Benedictus es, Domine.

Blessed be God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and blessed be His kingdom, now and forever. Amen.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

OK; this is the Bonus Blog for today.  Be sure and read the post below this one!

Question:  Alert Reader Ron Day wondered, “What does Coram Deo mean?” 

Answer:  The inspiration for that phrase is from The Call:  Finding and Fulfilling the Central Purpose of Your Life, by Os Guinness.  Chapter Nine is entitled, The Audience of One.  Here are a few snippets, which I hope will whet your appetite for this outstanding book:

Most of us, whether we are aware of it or not, do things with an eye to the approval of some audience of other.  The question is not whether we have an audience but which audience we have.  This observation underscores another vital feature of the truth of calling:  A life lived listening to the decisive call of God is a life lived before one audience that trumps all others — the Audience of One. 

In Genesis, Abraham’s call is to live a life of trust in God as he journeys before God.  Usually God calls Abraham, but at one point he appears and says, “I am God Almighty; walk before me and be blameless.”  Behind the voice of God is the eye of God and behind the eye the face and behind the face the heart.  To follow the call of God is therefore to live before the heart of God.  It is to live life Coram Deo [before the heart of God] and thus to shift our awareness of audiences to the point where only the last and highest–God–counts.  [P. 75].

Os Guinness continues P. 76:  The Puritans lived as if they had swallowed gyroscopes; we modern Christians live as if we have swallowed Gallup polls.  Or, as Martin Luther King wrote in his Letter from Birmingham Jail, “in those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.”  Leaders or panderers?  Gyroscope or Gallup poll?  Thermostat or thermometer?  Only those who practice the presence of the Audience of One can hope to attain the former and escape the latter.

And this is my [Margo’s] prayer:  O Triune God, teach me to be ‘inner-directed,’ not ‘other-directed.’ Give me courage and strength, that in following You,  I would steer by the Polar Star. 

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S. For those who would like to read more:  Ron Day suggests What Does Coram Deo Mean? written by R C Sproul.  Go to Ligonier Ministries and enter that title in the “blog search.”

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Thanks to your prayers, I bounced back from surgery and I’m ready to get back in the pool with Stephen–either today or tomorrow!

My bags are not yet packed but I am getting ready for the big day:  Monday,  09.21.09:  I’m studying for the big test:  Dr. Carroll gave me reading assignments on the Clinical Trial and on Chemotherapy;  I completed the battery of diagnostic tests [in Tallahassee]; and I’m trying on hats!  Seriously! Stephen helped me pick out styles and colors of hats, specially designed to cover my [future] bald head. 

In preparation for my big day, dear readers, will you pray this prayer for me?

For the Sanctification of Illness: [From the Book of Common Prayer, Page 460.]

Sanctify, O Lord, the sickness of our servant, Margo, that the sense of her weakness may add strength to her faith and seriousness to her repentance; and grant that she may live with you in everlasting life; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen.

I could not help but to notice the alliteration of this prayer:

Sanctification, sickness, servant, sense, strength, seriousness . . .And to this, I add one more:  May I learn to suffer well!

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S.  My dear friend, David Brewer, is writing a blog on suffering:  www.awellbrewedheart.wordpress.com.  Talk about a refining fire!

Thanks for your prayers!

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Thank you for reading my blog, praying, and for leaving comments.  I received several comments over the past two days, which greatly encouraged me!  It is wonderful to hear from each one of you!

Today is the day for surgery, when Dr. Crooms will implant the Infusa-Port*:  I report to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital [TMH] at 12.30 pm and the surgery will begin at 2.30 pm.  Pre-op called yesterday and said to prepare for a 5-8 hour day at TMH, so we may not return home until 9 or 10 pm tonight.   I slept well last night.

The beginning date for chemotherapy was delayed by one week:  Monday, 09.21.09 instead of Monday, 09.14.09.  The reason:  Dr. Carroll has ordered and must have time to analyze four diagnostic tests in Tallahassee.  These four tests will determine the strength of my heart:  CT scan, EKG, Echocardiogram, and a blood panel.   I learned yesterday that I will receive Herceptin each time I receive chemotherapy.  [Herceptin will also continue for one year.] In terms of a possible long-term risk to the heart, Herceptin poses a greater risk than does the chemo drugs. 

The Echo, performed yesterday, indicated that my heart is strong, which is very encouraging, considering that I swim 1500 meters, every other day.  All that hard work is paying off!  Stephen, also,  is making steady progress with his swimming.  It will be my turn to sit on the edge of the pool and cheer him on, as I will be unable to swim for about 10 days, post-surgery.

Now, dear friends, may I ask you to pray for me today, from the Book of Common Prayer? I have written these out for you [from pages 459-460].  Just think:  We will be praying these words together!

Before An Operation:

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, graciously comfort your servant, Margo, in her suffering, and bless the means made use of for her cure.  Fill her heart with confidence that, though at times she may be afraid, she yet may put her trust in you; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Strengthen your servant, Margo, O God, to do what she has to do and bear what she has to bear; that, accepting your healing gifts through the skill of surgeons and nurses, she may be restored to usefulness in your world with a thankful heart; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

For Doctors and Nurses:

Sanctify, O Lord, those whom you have called to the study and practice of the arts of healing, and to the prevention of disease and pain.  Strengthen them by your life-giving Spirit, that by their ministries the health of the community may be promoted and your creation glorified; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen. 

[Surgeon:  Dr. Crooms.  OR Nurse:  Kristi. Oncology Nurse:  Karen.]

Stephen or Garrett will update my blog tonight.

Lord be thy word my rule; in it may I rejoice; thy glory be my aim, thy holy will my choice.

Benedictus es, Domine.

Coram Deo,

Margo

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*This is a “central access device, a portacath — a catheter-type device placed under the skin into a major blood vessel in the upper chest.  Needles can go in and out of that device and spare the patient the discomfort of having peripheral veins stuck.”  [From Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book.]

Dear Family & Friends,

Good News:  Dr. Carroll’s office called yesterday:  I DO qualify for the UCLA Clinical Trial because UCLA determined that my breast cancer cells ARE positive [receptive] to both HER-2/neu* and Estrogen. ** 

Bad News: The test results indicate that my breast cancer is aggressive.

Good News:  Dr. Carroll’s office has three tools to counter-act the aggressiveness:  Chemo, Herceptin and Tamoxifen. 

Bad News:  There will be short-term side effects and there is a risk of long term side-effects. 

Good News:  The Clinical Trial will help improve the treatment for women in the future, who receive a Breast Cancer Diagnosis.

Bad News:  I will receive six rounds of chemotherapy, instead of four, because of the Clinical Trial. 

Good News:  I have my family & friends praying for me!  The Holy God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps; He is tracing my journey!

True Confessions: 

This next part of my journey, the chemo, will be the most difficult challenge I have ever faced.  The spector of the surgery that I endured pales in comparison.  I’ll be requesting specific prayer requests in future blogs but, for now, here is a general way in which to pray:  

Beauty from ashes and silver from refining fire:  My life is in God’s hands.  He may do with me what he wills.  My prayer is that from this refining fire, the dross of my life would be removed, until pure silver emerges.  From the ashes of this consuming fire, may God allow me to emerge with one thought only:  to worship him in the beauty of his holiness. 

I’ll be far from beautiful during this process of chemotherapy:  I’ll be bald and possibly weak and ill.  As my friend, Kim Hughes, encourages me:  “Be not ashamed!”   As I write this, I weep, not because I am ashamed, but because I am human:  Frankly, I dread the short-term effects and I am, truthfully, afraid of the long-term side effects!    So desperately do I need your prayers!

Levavi oculos:  I lift up my eyes to the hills; from where is my help to come?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121.1-2

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S. Herein ends the blog but below is optional reading!   

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*HER-2/neu:  “Your body has genes that make cells grow. They’re called proto-oncogenes.  They usually do their job just fine, but sometimes they become mutated into what are referred to as oncogenes, or genes that cause cancer.  One of the genes produces a receptor that helps the cells grow. It’s called HER-2/neu and it’s an oncogene . . . Herceptin can stop the uncontrolled growth, and it does this by binding [connecting] to the HER-2/neu oncogene.”

**Estrogen:  “Ovaries produce two hormones, estrogen and progesterone.  In addition to all that the good hormones do for us, they can actually stimulate the growth of some breast tumors.  Traitors! . . . Tamoxifen blocks estrogen receptors in the breast cancer cells by acting as an antagonist [or competitor].  The estrogen and Tamoxifen rush to grab on to the hormone receptor of the breast cancer cell but Tamoxifen ultimately blinds with them so they can’t multiply.”

Those quotes, by the way, are from the book, Breast Cancer for Dummies:  Yes, there really is a book with that title!

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Dear Family & Friends,

You are my “virtual” community of support, sustaining me with your thoughts and prayers.  I am thankful for each one of you who reads this blog, whether you leave a comment or not!  With every post, I imagine that you and I are having a “visit.” Some of you may prefer more personal details yet some of you may prefer brevity and stoicism.  I try to strike a balance.  Do you have questions or suggestions for me?  I will be glad to respond, if you leave a comment. By the way, I sometimes write more than one post on the same date, as I did on 09.02.09, and as I will today, so be sure to check below each new post, for the “bonus post!”

This past Thursday, I received a “real” visit from four friends in Tallahassee: [Kris, Kathy, Patty, and Vanessa.]  How well these friends know me!  You see, my “perfect vision,” especially in times of affliction, is the singing of ancient hymns, the reading of Psalms, and the reading of ancient prayers and [unbeknown to me] that is what my four friends planned for their gift of encouragement to me [also fresh flowers, herb tea, and notecards.]  Together, we sang a capella the hymns, Alleluia, Sing to Jesus and Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven.  Next, I sat in a chair and my four friends gathered around and laid hands on me.  They read Psalm 139 and selections from Prayers for the Sick from The Book of Common Prayer, pages 458-461.  Short, personal prayers concluded our visit.  Their visit gave me strength to continue this journey.

Psalm 139 begins Domine, probasti:  Lord, you have searched me and known me; you know my sitting down and my rising up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You trace my journeys and my resting-places and are acquainted with all my ways.

An excellent reminder:  The God of Israel traces our journeys!  The God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps! [Psalm 121]. This knowedge of God’s omniscience and sovereignty gives me courage for the journey ahead.  Thank you for joining me, as I record this journey.

Domine, probasti.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

09.09.09, exactly one week from today, is the date for minor surgery by Dr. Crooms.  He will implant the Infusa-Port, [beneath my collar bone] which allows for the administration of the chemotherapy drugs. Please pray that the surgery goes smoothly and that the surgery site heals properly.

I have a tentative date, 09.14.09, Monday, to begin chemotherapy.  Stephen will drive me down to Gainesville for each of my chemo sessions.  Each chemo session will last 4-5 hours.  Then, we return home to Tallahassee, where I rest for three weeks before returning for my next chemo session.

If I qualify for the Clinical Trial, I will have 6 chemo sessions.  If I do not qualify for the Clinical Trial, I will have only 4 chemo sessions.  We are waiting for the results of two lab tests that are being conducted on my tumor tissue.  These lab results will determine if I my tumor is positive or negative [receptivity] to HER2/neu, an oncogene.  If I the test is positive, I will qualify for the Clinical Trial.

So, I am preparing for the next race!  I have thought about the Hebrew Scripture:  “If you have run with footmen, and they have worn you out, how will you compete with horses?”

I need your prayers now, more than ever!  The bilateral mastectomy surgery was Race One, “running with footmen,” and it was your prayers that sustained me!  Please surround me with your prayers now because, from what I have read, Race Two, chemotherapy, with be like “competing with horses!” 

Benedictus es, Domine.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary and I am emboldened to share with you a quote on love and marriage.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer [1906-1945]  was a Christian theologian, Lutheran pastor, martyr, and one of the most significant witnesses of the twentieth century.  This is an excerpt from A Wedding Sermon:

“Marriage is more than your love for each other:  It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race, until the end of time.  In your love, you see only your two selves in the world but, in marriage, you are a link in the chain of generations, which God causes to come and to pass to his glory, and calls into his kingdom.  In your love, you see only the heaven of your happiness but, in marriage, you are placed at a post of responsibility toward the world and mankind.  Your love is your own private possession but marriage is more than something personal — it is a status, an office.  Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man . . . It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

Coram Deo,

Margo