Margot’s Corner

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Thanks to your prayers, I bounced back from surgery and I’m ready to get back in the pool with Stephen–either today or tomorrow!

My bags are not yet packed but I am getting ready for the big day:  Monday,  09.21.09:  I’m studying for the big test:  Dr. Carroll gave me reading assignments on the Clinical Trial and on Chemotherapy;  I completed the battery of diagnostic tests [in Tallahassee]; and I’m trying on hats!  Seriously! Stephen helped me pick out styles and colors of hats, specially designed to cover my [future] bald head. 

In preparation for my big day, dear readers, will you pray this prayer for me?

For the Sanctification of Illness: [From the Book of Common Prayer, Page 460.]

Sanctify, O Lord, the sickness of our servant, Margo, that the sense of her weakness may add strength to her faith and seriousness to her repentance; and grant that she may live with you in everlasting life; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen.

I could not help but to notice the alliteration of this prayer:

Sanctification, sickness, servant, sense, strength, seriousness . . .And to this, I add one more:  May I learn to suffer well!

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S.  My dear friend, David Brewer, is writing a blog on suffering:  www.awellbrewedheart.wordpress.com.  Talk about a refining fire!

Thanks for your prayers!

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Thank you for reading my blog, praying, and for leaving comments.  I received several comments over the past two days, which greatly encouraged me!  It is wonderful to hear from each one of you!

Today is the day for surgery, when Dr. Crooms will implant the Infusa-Port*:  I report to Tallahassee Memorial Hospital [TMH] at 12.30 pm and the surgery will begin at 2.30 pm.  Pre-op called yesterday and said to prepare for a 5-8 hour day at TMH, so we may not return home until 9 or 10 pm tonight.   I slept well last night.

The beginning date for chemotherapy was delayed by one week:  Monday, 09.21.09 instead of Monday, 09.14.09.  The reason:  Dr. Carroll has ordered and must have time to analyze four diagnostic tests in Tallahassee.  These four tests will determine the strength of my heart:  CT scan, EKG, Echocardiogram, and a blood panel.   I learned yesterday that I will receive Herceptin each time I receive chemotherapy.  [Herceptin will also continue for one year.] In terms of a possible long-term risk to the heart, Herceptin poses a greater risk than does the chemo drugs. 

The Echo, performed yesterday, indicated that my heart is strong, which is very encouraging, considering that I swim 1500 meters, every other day.  All that hard work is paying off!  Stephen, also,  is making steady progress with his swimming.  It will be my turn to sit on the edge of the pool and cheer him on, as I will be unable to swim for about 10 days, post-surgery.

Now, dear friends, may I ask you to pray for me today, from the Book of Common Prayer? I have written these out for you [from pages 459-460].  Just think:  We will be praying these words together!

Before An Operation:

Almighty God, our heavenly Father, graciously comfort your servant, Margo, in her suffering, and bless the means made use of for her cure.  Fill her heart with confidence that, though at times she may be afraid, she yet may put her trust in you; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Strengthen your servant, Margo, O God, to do what she has to do and bear what she has to bear; that, accepting your healing gifts through the skill of surgeons and nurses, she may be restored to usefulness in your world with a thankful heart; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

For Doctors and Nurses:

Sanctify, O Lord, those whom you have called to the study and practice of the arts of healing, and to the prevention of disease and pain.  Strengthen them by your life-giving Spirit, that by their ministries the health of the community may be promoted and your creation glorified; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen. 

[Surgeon:  Dr. Crooms.  OR Nurse:  Kristi. Oncology Nurse:  Karen.]

Stephen or Garrett will update my blog tonight.

Lord be thy word my rule; in it may I rejoice; thy glory be my aim, thy holy will my choice.

Benedictus es, Domine.

Coram Deo,

Margo

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*This is a “central access device, a portacath — a catheter-type device placed under the skin into a major blood vessel in the upper chest.  Needles can go in and out of that device and spare the patient the discomfort of having peripheral veins stuck.”  [From Dr. Susan Love’s Breast Book.]

Dear Family & Friends,

Good News:  Dr. Carroll’s office called yesterday:  I DO qualify for the UCLA Clinical Trial because UCLA determined that my breast cancer cells ARE positive [receptive] to both HER-2/neu* and Estrogen. ** 

Bad News: The test results indicate that my breast cancer is aggressive.

Good News:  Dr. Carroll’s office has three tools to counter-act the aggressiveness:  Chemo, Herceptin and Tamoxifen. 

Bad News:  There will be short-term side effects and there is a risk of long term side-effects. 

Good News:  The Clinical Trial will help improve the treatment for women in the future, who receive a Breast Cancer Diagnosis.

Bad News:  I will receive six rounds of chemotherapy, instead of four, because of the Clinical Trial. 

Good News:  I have my family & friends praying for me!  The Holy God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps; He is tracing my journey!

True Confessions: 

This next part of my journey, the chemo, will be the most difficult challenge I have ever faced.  The spector of the surgery that I endured pales in comparison.  I’ll be requesting specific prayer requests in future blogs but, for now, here is a general way in which to pray:  

Beauty from ashes and silver from refining fire:  My life is in God’s hands.  He may do with me what he wills.  My prayer is that from this refining fire, the dross of my life would be removed, until pure silver emerges.  From the ashes of this consuming fire, may God allow me to emerge with one thought only:  to worship him in the beauty of his holiness. 

I’ll be far from beautiful during this process of chemotherapy:  I’ll be bald and possibly weak and ill.  As my friend, Kim Hughes, encourages me:  “Be not ashamed!”   As I write this, I weep, not because I am ashamed, but because I am human:  Frankly, I dread the short-term effects and I am, truthfully, afraid of the long-term side effects!    So desperately do I need your prayers!

Levavi oculos:  I lift up my eyes to the hills; from where is my help to come?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121.1-2

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S. Herein ends the blog but below is optional reading!   

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*HER-2/neu:  “Your body has genes that make cells grow. They’re called proto-oncogenes.  They usually do their job just fine, but sometimes they become mutated into what are referred to as oncogenes, or genes that cause cancer.  One of the genes produces a receptor that helps the cells grow. It’s called HER-2/neu and it’s an oncogene . . . Herceptin can stop the uncontrolled growth, and it does this by binding [connecting] to the HER-2/neu oncogene.”

**Estrogen:  “Ovaries produce two hormones, estrogen and progesterone.  In addition to all that the good hormones do for us, they can actually stimulate the growth of some breast tumors.  Traitors! . . . Tamoxifen blocks estrogen receptors in the breast cancer cells by acting as an antagonist [or competitor].  The estrogen and Tamoxifen rush to grab on to the hormone receptor of the breast cancer cell but Tamoxifen ultimately blinds with them so they can’t multiply.”

Those quotes, by the way, are from the book, Breast Cancer for Dummies:  Yes, there really is a book with that title!

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Dear Family & Friends,

You are my “virtual” community of support, sustaining me with your thoughts and prayers.  I am thankful for each one of you who reads this blog, whether you leave a comment or not!  With every post, I imagine that you and I are having a “visit.” Some of you may prefer more personal details yet some of you may prefer brevity and stoicism.  I try to strike a balance.  Do you have questions or suggestions for me?  I will be glad to respond, if you leave a comment. By the way, I sometimes write more than one post on the same date, as I did on 09.02.09, and as I will today, so be sure to check below each new post, for the “bonus post!”

This past Thursday, I received a “real” visit from four friends in Tallahassee: [Kris, Kathy, Patty, and Vanessa.]  How well these friends know me!  You see, my “perfect vision,” especially in times of affliction, is the singing of ancient hymns, the reading of Psalms, and the reading of ancient prayers and [unbeknown to me] that is what my four friends planned for their gift of encouragement to me [also fresh flowers, herb tea, and notecards.]  Together, we sang a capella the hymns, Alleluia, Sing to Jesus and Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven.  Next, I sat in a chair and my four friends gathered around and laid hands on me.  They read Psalm 139 and selections from Prayers for the Sick from The Book of Common Prayer, pages 458-461.  Short, personal prayers concluded our visit.  Their visit gave me strength to continue this journey.

Psalm 139 begins Domine, probasti:  Lord, you have searched me and known me; you know my sitting down and my rising up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You trace my journeys and my resting-places and are acquainted with all my ways.

An excellent reminder:  The God of Israel traces our journeys!  The God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps! [Psalm 121]. This knowedge of God’s omniscience and sovereignty gives me courage for the journey ahead.  Thank you for joining me, as I record this journey.

Domine, probasti.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

09.09.09, exactly one week from today, is the date for minor surgery by Dr. Crooms.  He will implant the Infusa-Port, [beneath my collar bone] which allows for the administration of the chemotherapy drugs. Please pray that the surgery goes smoothly and that the surgery site heals properly.

I have a tentative date, 09.14.09, Monday, to begin chemotherapy.  Stephen will drive me down to Gainesville for each of my chemo sessions.  Each chemo session will last 4-5 hours.  Then, we return home to Tallahassee, where I rest for three weeks before returning for my next chemo session.

If I qualify for the Clinical Trial, I will have 6 chemo sessions.  If I do not qualify for the Clinical Trial, I will have only 4 chemo sessions.  We are waiting for the results of two lab tests that are being conducted on my tumor tissue.  These lab results will determine if I my tumor is positive or negative [receptivity] to HER2/neu, an oncogene.  If I the test is positive, I will qualify for the Clinical Trial.

So, I am preparing for the next race!  I have thought about the Hebrew Scripture:  “If you have run with footmen, and they have worn you out, how will you compete with horses?”

I need your prayers now, more than ever!  The bilateral mastectomy surgery was Race One, “running with footmen,” and it was your prayers that sustained me!  Please surround me with your prayers now because, from what I have read, Race Two, chemotherapy, with be like “competing with horses!” 

Benedictus es, Domine.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Today is our 36th wedding anniversary and I am emboldened to share with you a quote on love and marriage.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer [1906-1945]  was a Christian theologian, Lutheran pastor, martyr, and one of the most significant witnesses of the twentieth century.  This is an excerpt from A Wedding Sermon:

“Marriage is more than your love for each other:  It has a higher dignity and power, for it is God’s holy ordinance, through which he wills to perpetuate the human race, until the end of time.  In your love, you see only your two selves in the world but, in marriage, you are a link in the chain of generations, which God causes to come and to pass to his glory, and calls into his kingdom.  In your love, you see only the heaven of your happiness but, in marriage, you are placed at a post of responsibility toward the world and mankind.  Your love is your own private possession but marriage is more than something personal — it is a status, an office.  Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man . . . It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.”

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Friends & Family,

THE SUMMARY:  Thank you, once again, for your prayers for wisdom for Stephen & me.  Dr. Mabry called last week and said that we had a two-week window before beginning chemotherapy because he has ordered one additional lab test.   Stephen and I decided to take advantage of that delay:  We just returned from Gainesville, FL, where we received a second opinion from Dr. Robert Carroll, Breast Cancer Medical Oncologist.  The bottom line is that we have decided to travel to Gainesville for my future treatment [a two-hour trip].

THE DETAILS: Dr. Mabry is a brilliant and highly-respected Medical Oncologist and he has done excellent research on my cancer.  However, we have an opportunity to work with Dr. Carroll, whose entire practice is devoted to Breast Cancer [BC].  Also, Dr. Carroll has invited me to participate in a Clinical Trial, which I have wanted to do ever since I was diagnosed with BC.  

Dr. Carroll agrees with Dr. Mabry that chemotherapy is absolutely essential.  This second opinion was exactly the confirmation I needed to accept the dreaded “chemo,” which I thought I might be able to avoid.  Dr. Carroll explained that, without chemotherapy, the risk of a BC  recurrence, even within two years, is very high.  Worse yet, a BC recurrence would probably be fatal.  You may be wondering, as I did:  “If I have had a bilateral mastectomy, then how can I have a recurrence of BC?” Well, a cancer that begins as BC remains BC, even if it travels outside of the breast tissues, through the bloodstream or lymph nodes.  Remember that the sentinel lymph nodes were clear, after the surgery?  This is a good sign, yet it only takes one BC cell to travel through the bloodstream [or lymph nodes] and wreak havoc.  Now is the time to blast the cancer, at the cellular level.  Dr. Carroll reminded me that my BC tumor was small [1.5 cm] yet aggressive [Grade 3]. 

So, I am resolved to commit to chemotherapy and other treatments [Herceptin, Tamoxifen, for example].  Yet, I am hopeful that my participation in the Clinical Trial will help women who will be fighting BC in the future. 

PLEASE PRAY FOR ME DURING CHEMO:

• for protection from long-term side effects
• for comfort measures to help endure the short-term side effects
• for strength of mind, heart, soul, and body

Exaltabo te, Domine.  [I will exalt you, O Lord  . . . ] Psalm 30

Coram Deo,

Margo

P. S.  Stephen & I had a wonderfully relaxing and care-free weekend with our dear friends, Dave & Sharon Brewer.  We met in Gainesville and went tubing down the Itchetuknee River, just like old times, from our college days together!

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

I’m back from the Blair Clan Reunion in Beech Mountain, NC, which was a wonderful respite from the reality of dealing with health issues.

Today I called Karen,  my surgeon’s oncology nurse.  She received the test results of the OncoTypeDx, which indicate that I have a 41% risk of a recurrence of cancer.  On Monday, I will call and make an appointment to discuss the results with Dr. Mabry, the oncologist.  Over the weekend, I will come to grips with the bad news:  my cancer was more aggressive than I [or my medical team] previously thought.  The good news [for my medical team] is that I now understand why further treament [which I had postponed] is necessary. 

On a different note, last month, on 09.23.09,  I received this blog comment from Rick & Carole Stewart, our dear friends and [also] Benjamin’s [other] grandparents:

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 Your title for this entry reminded me of Hebrews 12:

“1]  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2]  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

3]  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

. . . We look forward to being your partners in grandparenting for many years to come. Hey! When can we walk to Paradise?

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Well,  I read that phrase, “When can we walk to Paradise?” and thought to myself, “Boy, you have got that right! This world is not our home and we are but sojourners!  [Then I began singing to myself]:  ‘Deep river — my home is over Jordan! ‘  and ‘Gonna lay down my burden — down by the riverside!’ “ 

Then I read Rick’s comment again and realized that he was talking — quite literally — about walking to The Paradise Grill, a restaurant located within walking distance of our home!  In the midst of the sober reality of this journey, I am grateful for these moments of levity. 

So, I’ll pick up my burdens once again on Monday but, in the meantime, I’m thinking [truthfully] about how Walking to Paradise sounds a lot more pleasant than Running with Perseverance.   Pray for me that I would not become weary and lose heart.  And thank you, once again, for reading this blog and for encouraging me.