Category Archives: Uncategorized

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

It has been seven days since Herceptin #2 and I am continuing to feel extremely well.  I am very grateful and I thank you for your continued prayers!   I feel well enough to resume swimming in the outdoor, heated city pool. If only it were not so cold — snow is possible this week!  I am a bit wimpy at the moment but I promise to make up for that when the warm season begins.

Now, I know the question on everyone’s mind:   Is Margot’s hair growing? I am happy to report that it is!  The new growth is as fine and soft as the down of a gosling.  If I were a horse, you could name me “Diamond” because of the clear shape on the crown of my head.  Inside the diamond is the pure “salt” color.  Surrounding the diamond shape is the “salt & pepper” — with enough “pepper” to show a stark contrast to the “salt” in the diamond.  This is not a new development, however!

Oddly, I have settled into a strange malaise or ennui, after recovering from the ravages of chemotherapy.  On the one hand, I am elated to be finished with chemotherapy. In fact, Stephen & I are celebrating by going to Disney in two weeks!

On the other hand, it does not seem that very much is happening in the battle, since the ravages of Herceptin are undetectable to me. With chemotherapy, you have the formidable presence of a strong, fierce ally, in spite of the fact that you spend half the time fighting the side effects.

During the chemotherapy phase, you never forget that you are fighting against cancer.  However, at this stage, I have to remind myself that the battle is ongoing.  If even I need to remind myself, is it possible that the interest of my friends & family will wane, now that the drama of the surgery and chemotherapy is over?

Thanks for being with me thus far in the battle! I will continue this blog, updating about once every two weeks; I will write on a variety of topics.

ONE in EIGHT women will be diagnosed with breast cancer and it is my hope that this blog will help one of the women that you know and love.  Dear friends & family, do something loving for St. Valentine’s Day: Encourage the women [over 40] in your life to get regular mammograms!   It was this test that detected my tumor, while it was still Stage One.

By the way, you can subscribe to this blog so that you will automatically know when I update.  You can also subscribe by using a RSS reader.

Deus noster refugium. Psalm 46.1-2

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be moved, and though the mountains be toppled into the depth of the sea.

Coram Deo,

Margot

P. S.  I finally wrote something in the “About” section.

My grandson, Benjamin, celebrated his first birthday yesterday!  For photos, see my daughter’s blog:  http://www.carrotsformichaelmas.wordpress.com.

The Season of Epiphany 2010

Dear Family & Friends,

This year, Garrett will start off our Payne Family News, in his own words:

“Garrett is still showing up for work at Marquis Software Development, Inc. where he has been doing so for almost five years now.

He went to Germany for a couple of weeks in July 2009.  He flew into Berlin and rented a car.  He and the car traveled at ridiculous rates of speed on the German Autobahn before safely arriving in Switzerland to attend a friend’s wedding in Herisau, CH.  After the wedding he toured Bavaria before returning to Berlin.  On the last night in Europe he saw the music group U2 at the Olympiastadion in Berlin (the venue for the 1936 World Olympics).

Garrett plays bass and sings in his friend’s music group, In Wrath.  The name is taken from the Biblical prayer of Habakkuk: ” . . . in wrath remember mercy.”  His friend “thought it sounded cool.”  The band went to Athens, GA in October to record an album at Chase Park Transduction Studios.  They recorded ten songs to analogue tape.  In Wrath plans on releasing the album this year on 12” vinyl and iTunes Music Store.

When he is not working or playing music, Garrett enjoys going to the local gun range and shooting ridiculous looking, high-caliber weapons.

Garrett realizes that his year, although great, will be overshadowed by his sister’s, with the birth of her and her husband’s firstborn.  Garrett promises to step up his game next year.”

[Garrett in Switzerland, Summer 2009].

[Margot resumes]:  On 02.08.09, Daniel & Haley, in Waco, TX, welcomed their first child, Benjamin Daniel Stewart.  Margot [“Marmee”] traveled to Waco and stayed for one week before and after the birth.  She served as “doula” in the birthing room and witnessed the birth of her first grandchild! “Grandaddy” Stephen and Uncle Garrett traveled to TX to meet Benjamin, as did Daniel’s family. Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin live in community with five other adults, in a rural setting, on Windover Farm. In addition to their jobs and studies, the adults have raised vegetables, chickens, and sheep.  The sounds of farm animals — including horses, cows, goats, dogs, and cats — are not only words on a page but are a daily reality in Benjamin’s universe.

Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin traveled to join the Blair Clan at the Annual Summer Reunion in Beech Mountain, NC and then to Tallahassee, to spend time with Daniel’s family.  Benjamin enjoyed his first Christmas in Tallahassee, with both the Payne & Stewart families.

Congratulations to Daniel, who graduated from Baylor University in December 2009!  Haley worked full-time at Baylor University last year but is now home full-time with Benjamin, while Daniel works at the Methodist Boys’ Home. Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin plan to move back home to Tallahassee this summer!

[Haley, Benjamin, and Daniel Stewart, December 2009.]

Stephen & Margot [photo below] heartily thank family and friends for prayer, words of encouragement, and gestures of kindness and generosity during the past seven months.  Many of you know that Margot was diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2009.  For details and updates, see Margot’s blog:

www.margopayne.wordpress.com.

In spite of the difficulties of last year, we have much to be thankful for!  The family members featured above represent some of our richest blessings; having all of them living in the same town is like a dream come true.  We are thankful also for 37 years of marriage, our extended family and friends, our neighbors, and our church family at St. Peter’s Anglican.

We always enjoy receiving Christmas cards, letters, and photographs from you.  This letter is our attempt to encourage future communiqués from you.  We cherish our friendship with each one of you, in spite of distance and time.

Coram Deo,

Stephen & Margot Payne

P.S. Yes, this is a new spelling for Margot.  You may read about the reason for this change, on Margot’s blog update entitled Vision.

The Second Sunday After Christmas

I have recovered from my virus and I attended Worship Service this morning at St. Peter’s Anglican Church. [I missed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day Worship.]  However, it is still the Season of Christmas [The Twelve Days of Christmas] so I enjoyed singing Christmas carols & hymns this morning.

Today, I want to share with you a link to an article:

http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/98764.pdf

The article is entitled, The Triumph of the Eye, by Dr. Ralph Wood, a Baylor University Professor of Theology and Literature.  The article originally appeared in the journal, Christian Reflection, Issue 33, the theme of which was Women and the Church. This journal is published by Baylor University’s Department of Philosophy:  Center for Christian Ethics, www.ChristianEthics.ws

Both my daughter, Haley, and her husband, Daniel, have taken courses from Dr. Wood at Baylor University. Dr. Wood and his wife, Suzanne, have been friends and mentors to Daniel, Haley, Stephen, and me.

You can read more about Dr. Wood at http://homepages.baylor.edu/ralph_wood

I hope you will thoughtfully read the entire article.  Here are some excerpts to whet your appetite:

. . . In a society ever more determined by visual appeal, men begin to desire women who conform to a certain shape and look perpetually young.  Women, in turn, strive to conform to eye-driven male desire.  How can we reshape imagination to prefer spiritual vision to mere sight?

. . . The giant success of the American cosmetic surgery business and the pervasiveness of eating disorders are markers of what C. S. Lewis calls the demonic triumph of the eye . . . .

. . . Regarding our face as our most distinguishing characteristic, C. S. Lewis insists that we cannot have true faces apart from true faith in God.  There are huge implications for overcoming the devilish deceits of the eye in our time . . .

. . . Almost all the icons of the Virgin Mary depict her with dark half-circles under her eyes.  Far from marring her beauty, these signs of suffering actually enhance her beauty. . . .

I was captivated by the truth which Dr. Wood so perfectly articulates.  I began the journey of the past six months with a prayer:  that pure silver would emerge out of the refining fire and that beauty would arise out of the ashes of suffering.  I imagine that I am not yet done with suffering and refining in this life.  However, I have been formed and transformed by the events of the past six months.  Therefore, today, I begin to spell my name differently, to signify the intention of my changed life:  seeking to become wise in vision, not sight, and having a new understanding of the concept of suffering and its relationship to beauty.

Coram Deo,

Margot

P. S.

Phase One of therapy is now over.  Four Rounds of Chemotherapy was the irreducible minimum.  Ideally, Dr. Carroll wanted me to have Six Rounds of Chemotherapy but, since three of the four rounds sent me to the Walk-In Clinic and two rounds sent me also to the ER, Stephen and I asked Dr. Carroll if we could stop after the Fourth Round.

Phase Two of therapy begins tomorrow morning, when Stephen & I travel to Gainesville, to Dr. Carroll’s office, where I will be infused with Herceptin, once every three weeks.  This Phase Two will continue until October, 2010.

The First Sunday of Christmas

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

I apologize for the delay in updating my blog.  The first week after Chemo Round was uneventful but, on Day 8, I became quite ill from a virus.  [By Day 8 after chemo, my white blood count is always in the basement so I have no way to fight off a virus.]  By Day 10, my temperature reached 102 degrees and Dr. Carroll directed Stephen to take me to the Walk In Clinic.  From there – you guessed it – EMS transported me to the ER, where my face is [unfortunately] becoming a familiar sight.  I spent the next six hours, hooked up to IV’s for hydration and I submitted to a battery of tests.  It was not H1N1, thanks be to God.

After I went home, I was weak as a kitten and Stephen had to do everything for me.  My temperature remained 101-102 degrees until Day 14, when my white blood counts came back up again.  Finally, the fever broke and I have been getting better and stronger every day:  able to sleep comfortably, eat some food, take a shower by myself, etc.  I’ve been in bed for six days, listening to Haley’s 20-CD unabridged recording of Little Women.

The highlight of the last few days was the safe arrival of Daniel, Haley and Benjamin, on the early morning of the 23^rd.  I saw Daniel & Haley on Christmas Eve and finally got to see all three of them on Christmas Day.  So, in spite of everything, I have still had a Merry Christmas, thanks to their visit.

Tonight, I ventured out of the house for the first time in eight days.  Stephen took Haley & me to see the film, Young Victoria, which I highly recommend.

I’ll keep this short, as I feel neither physically or mentally strong enough to write much more.  However, I did want to let all of you dear ones know how I am doing.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Bill Van Hoy

 William [Bill] Ford Van Hoy, Jr. [1916-2007]

Bill, a Quaker leader and pacifist, qualified for Conscientious Objector [CO] status during WWII and was assigned to the Civilian Public Service [CPS].  This was a four-year duty, which paid room and board but no salary.  [Among other CPS projects, Bill worked on the Blue Ridge Parkway and the Inyo National Forest, CA.]

After WWII, Bill earned a Master’s of Divinity Degree from Duke University, with a major in Church History.  Later, he earned a Master’s Degree in Education from UNC-Chapel Hill.  His primary vocation was that of a public secondary school educator, in History. 

Bill married late in life, at age 48, to Lois Levering, 26, who had two small children from a previous marriage.  Bill adopted Teresa and Michael, lovingly raised them, and sent them both to college.  To this day, they both refer to him as “Daddy.”  Bill also invested decades of “fatherly” wisdom, guidance, counsel, and help to his niece and her three sons.  He and Lois had one biological child, a son, Sammy.  This beloved child died from leukemia in 1975, at the age of eight.

Bill retired from education, after almost 30 years, but he never retired from serving others.  He became an active community volunteer social worker, providing transportation for clients to medical and dental appointments, regularly traversing several counties in NC.

After Lois died, at age 51, in 1991, Bill never remarried.  Even after suffering this second major loss, he continued to engage in life and to invest in relationships. He regularly traveled to visit the families of Teresa and Michael and to college and family reunions.  He stayed mentally fit by reading and, in his late 70’s, he began a study of conversational Spanish.  Always an avid gardener, he also pursued physical fitness with swim lessons in his late 70’s and, until age 90, he enjoyed twice-weekly square dancing and monthly contra dancing!

At family reunions, over the decades, Bill relished the opportunity to show us photographs of his extensive travels in the U. S. and abroad. We endlessly teased him about his tendency to provide lengthy and detailed commentary.  [We urged him: “Break it down, Bill.“]  After his death, [at age 91] I read his memoirs and discovered anew his remarkable character and virtue.  His children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews remember him as “high-verbal” but, more importantly, we remember him as a man of intelligence and wisdom, courage and conviction, generosity and kindness, patience and humility.

 Uncle Bill, Round Four is dedicated to you!

 Coram Deo,

 Margo

P. S. Haley’s visit and the Messiah Sing were both glorious!  She is safely back home in TX.  Stephen & I leave tomorrow morning for Gainesville, for Chemo Round Four. 

Please pray that the chemo would perform its work of eradicating any errant cancer cells, that I would be spared from debilitating short-term and long-term side effects.  

Please also pray for safe travel for Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin, who will travel via car to TLHSE on December 22/23 and will return January 1/2. 

Henry Ossawa Tanner, 1898

ADVENT, by Fr. Michael Petty [Saint Peter’s Anglican Church, Tallahassee, FL]

“This Sunday marks the beginning of the season of Advent, a season of the Church year which consists of the four weeks before Christmas Day.  Advent is derived from the Latin word, “adventus,” meaning “coming” or “arrival.”  During this season, we have a dual focus in worship:   On one hand, we anticipate the celebration of Christ’s historical advent or birth in Bethlehem.  One the other hand, we anticipate the Christ’s final advent as the world’s Lord and Judge at the end of history.  The celebration of Advent helps us to place ourselves in the context of God’s redemptive purposes.  We live after the coming of Jesus Christ as the Messiah promised to Israel and before the coming of Jesus Christ to bring his work to its ultimate fulfillment. 

This season is intended by the Church to help us keep a proper focus during what has become, in our culture, a frenzied time with heavy commercial emphasis.  We spend this season most fruitfully, not by counting down the days to December 25, but by preparing ourselves to celebrate the Incarnation of the Son of God and by amending our lives in the anticipation of his promised return.  Advent is a season to slow down, to reflect, and to meditate on the great mercies of God.  To aid in this process, you may find it useful to read Scripture regularly during this Season.  Scripture readings for every day of the Advent Season can be found on page 937 and page 939 of The Book of Common Prayer.

The Advent Season comes to an end with the First Eucharist of Christmas, on Christmas Eve.  This Eucharist ushers the Church into the Season of Christmas, which lasts until January 6, the Feast of the Epiphany [the Twelve Days of Christmas].  Because we observe Christmas as a distinct season, you will notice that we do not make use of Christmas music during Advent.

Advent has been observed by the Church since the sixth century and, over time, many traditions have become associated with the season.  One of these traditions is that of the Advent Wreath, a circle of greenery with four blue candles on the circumference and a white candle in the center.  The Advent Wreath is a sign of hope; it is greenery displayed during the winter and candles lit as the days grow shorter.  On each of the four Sundays of Advent, a different candle is lit.  The first candle is the Patriarch’s Candle, reminding us of the Old Testament Patriarchs who anticipated the fulfillment of God’s promises.  The second is the Prophet’s Candle, reminding us of the Old Testament prophets who foretold of the Messiah’s birth.  The third is the John the Baptist Candle, reminding us of the prophet who proclaimed Christ’s advent.  The fourth is the Virgin Mary Candle, reminding us of Mary’s faithfulness in responding to God’s call to be the Mother of the Messiah.  The final candle, the Christ Candle, is lit on Christmas Eve.  As the winter darkness gathers, the light of the Advent Wreath increases and reminds us of the Light of God, shining in the darkness.  The lighting of the Advent Wreath is an act of lived hope, as the Church remember’s Christ’s birth and anticipates his return in glory.”

“O Come, O Come, Emmanuel . . . .”

Coram Deo,

Margo

Some Resources for Advent:

www.ToadilyHandmade.com:  100% beeswax Advent candles [with color!], a suggestion from my daughter, Haley Stewart.

“Watch for the Light:  Readings for Advent and Christmas,” Plough Publication House, a gift from my sister, Susan Blair Hollister.

“All Through the Day, All Through the Year:  Family Prayers and Celebrations,” by David B. Batchelder. Augsburg Press.

“The St. James Ecumenical Calendar of the Christian Year,” The Fellowship of St. James, www.fsj.org

P. S. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day!  I felt well and enjoyed eating a bit of everything!  We went to the home of the Bowers Family, in Tallahassee. They have been our dear friends for at least 15 years.  How thankful we are for our family and friends, who read this blog and continually pray for us!   

Chemo Round 4 is scheduled for December 11.

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

Stephen, my husband, is the Guest Blogger for this update.  This is from an email which he recently sent to a friend:

“We have had a challenging and, in some ways, wonderful six months.  Margo was diagnosed with breast cancer in June.  She had a double mastectomy, without reconstruction, in June and is now one-third through the ugly chemotherapy stuff.

It has been a stretch for both of us; however, our friends, family, and church have been a wonderful support.  We have seen God’s love through all of these.  The odd thing is that it was, in some ways, wonderful.  It has caused us to both pull together in ways that we have not needed to in the past.  We have faced challenges before; however, our lives, compared to many that we know, have been easy.  This has tested “who we say we are” and “what we say we believe.”  Margo is a model to me and others, as she walks through the humiliation of a flat, scarred chest; loss of hair; and the sickness associated with chemo.  She continues to swim.  When she feels up to it, we head to the pool and she swims over a mile, without stopping [flip turns at each end.]  Ten days after her surgery, she was in the pool.  I have never been a swimmer; however, how could I sit by the pool and watch her, without getting in myself?  I am becoming a decent swimmer myself.  I still cannot keep up with her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[And now, from Margo:]

It is Day 8 after Chemo Round Three and, to my amazement, I am feeling tolerable.  No ER visit, no visit to the Walk-In-Clinic, not even a phone call to Dr. Carroll, for which he must be very thankful!  This past weekend, we enjoyed an impromptu causal alfresco supper on our deck with friends and enjoyed lunch and a delightful afternoon with out of town friends.  It is these normal moments of life for which I am thankful.  Of course, I am always thankful for each one of you who reads this blog and continuously prays for me.

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends:

Please be sure to read the “bonus” blog entry below this one!

William Ford Van Hoy [1889 to 1976]

 Listen to the words of my mother, Margaret Elizabeth Van Hoy Blair, summarizing the early life of her father, who was orphaned at age seven, when both his parents died of one of the “dread diseases” [either tuberculosis, pneumonia, or typhoid fever]: 

 “My father, William Ford Van Hoy, lived a ‘pillar to post’ life with grandparents, uncles, and aunts.  Finally, the most loving home was with “Uncle Mac” and “Aunt Sally” Martin, neither of whom was a blood relation to him.  It happened in this way:  William, age 10, went to the home of Uncle Mac and Aunt Sally and asked if he and his sister, Hattie, [five years younger than he] could live with them.  It brought tears to my eyes to learn of her answer:  ‘Bless your little heart, honey; you can be with us forever!’

 And, so, he and Hattie did live with them, until William decided to go to California, when friends asked him to join them in the oil fields.  He was a very small fellow, not strong enough for oil work, so he tended orange groves.  Later on, in 1914, my mother, Mittie Alma Joyner, traveled on the train from NC to Coalinga, CA and married my father in the hotel parlor.  William [Bill], my brother, was born in Coalinga in 1916.  My mother went back to NC for a year or two because she was very homesick.  I was born in Yadkinville, NC, during a snow storm, in 1918.

When “Uncle Mac” and “Aunt Sally” died many years later, William grieved for them, as if he had lost his own parents.”

 William and his wife had two children who survived birth:  William “Bill” Ford Van Hoy, Jr. and Margaret Elizabeth Van Hoy.  William made a living as a farmer, educator, and postmaster.  He provided college educations for both his children.  Mittie Alma died in 1956 and William never re-married.  However, he lived long enough to enjoy his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. 

 Daddah Van Hoy [pronounced “DAH-dah”] this round is dedicated to you! 

With courage and tenacity of character, you carved a noble life for yourself, in spite of early losses and disadvantages.  With compassion, you cared for others, including your little sister.  Today, I say a prayer of thanksgiving for the lives of Uncle Mac and Aunt Sally.  Because of their open hearts and open home, all of William’s progeny owes a debt to them.  May we live to model our lives after them.   

 Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends:

All I know about boxing is what I learned from the 1940’s film, “The Bells of St. Mary,” with Ingrid Bergman and Bing Crosby.  Here is a quote from my friend, Georgia, encouraging me in my fight against breast cancer: 

“The title of your blog [“Margo’s Corner“] reminds me of a boxing ring . . . We, your friends [and family], are standing and praying with you in your corner, helping you put on your gloves and head-gear:  faith, courage, peace, as you go against your opponent, cancer and his cronies:  fear, discouragement, etc., in the opposite corner.”

It occurs to me that each chemotherapy cycle is called a “round,” another handy reference boxing.  Well, I am very grateful to have each of you in my “corner” because the bell is just about to ring:  This coming Tuesday, November 17th, is the third round of chemo.  Please continue to pray that the chemotherapy would be effective in eradicating any cancer cells.  Also, please pray for a minimum of short-term side effects and for no long-term side effects.

By the way, the technician said that the [unofficial] results of my echocardiogram look normal.  I’m very thankful!

“I will lay me down in peace and take my rest: for it is Thou Lord only that makest me dwell in safety. Into Thy hands, O Lord, I commend my spirit, for Though hast redeemed me, O Lord Thou God of Truth. Amen.’” [Lancelot Andrews, English clergyman, 1555-1626]

Coram Deo,

Margo

Dear Faithful Praying Family & Friends,

I know many of you are keeping track of my Chemo Schedule and are praying mightily for Round 3.  Well, you have an extra week in which to pray because Chemo Round 3 is delayed by eight days:  Round 3 will be Tuesday, November 17.  The reason for this delay:  I had an echocardiogram scheduled for November 4 but it was rescheduled for Tuesday, November 10.  Dr. Carroll needs the results of this  test before proceeding with Chemo Round 3.

The delay of Chemo Round 3 will fit into my schedule nicely, to allow me optimal healthy days, during December 7, 8, & 9th, when my daughter, Haley, will fly out to be with me and we will go to the Messiah Sing!  If you are in Tallahassee, see www.tallahasseemusicguild.com for details.  Please pray for safe travel for Haley, to and from Waco, TX. 

Dr. Carroll is also willing to schedule Chemo Round 4 so that I will feel normal & healthy for Christmas Eve, when our family [including Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin] will attend St. Peter’s Anglican Church for the Evening Worship Service.  Joy!

Thank you for your care & concern, for reading this blog, for commenting, for your snail-mail, email, phone calls, gifts, and for all your many expressions of love & affection.  And always, always, thanks for your continuing prayers! 

Next weekend, I will post another installment in my Heroes series, with photographs!

Coram Deo,
Margo