The Wild Grapes

A bowl of Muscadines; the green ones are Scuppernongs.

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

I am no poet, although my son-in-law, Daniel Stewart, is.  In a recent post, I tried my hand at prose, to communicate the mere essence of a thing, by employing an economy of words. My husband objects, however,  and encourages me to further explain my thoughts.  So, having first offered to you the barest “whiff” of The Fragrance of Scuppernongs, I will offer [in increments] the background story of my fascination with the wild grapes.  Below please find descriptions of the Scuppernong.  Today’s entry is a mere introduction; in future blog entries, I will enlarge on this theme and how it relates to my grandmother and to me.

The Wild Grapes

In September 1984, I was at a small, locally owned grocery store in Tallahassee, when I caught the whiff of a delightful aroma, which immediately transported me back to the NC home and gardens of my grandmother.  Following the scent, I re-discovered ripened Scuppernongs, a fragrance I had not enjoyed since I was a young girl.  It is amazing how a fragrance has the ability to release memories, seemingly forgotten.  In one moment, the memories of my childhood visits to my grandmother’s home came rushing back and I recorded the details, as quickly as I could remember them.  My father, an Air Force officer, was stationed in Japan [from 1956-1957] and my mother and siblings and I remained in Yadkinville, NC.  Since my grandmother’s birthday was September 16, we traveled to her home, in nearby Winston-Salem, NC, to celebrate her birthday, when the Scuppernongs were ripe.  It is the memories of those two years, especially the summer and early autumn of those years, that will provide the backbone for future blog entries.  It’s “just the facts” today.

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Some of my Alert Readers [even Southerners] did not recognize the name of the fruit. Please note that the proper spelling is “Scuppernong,” with a capital “S.”  Evidently, Wikipedia does not know this.  I did not correct the spelling or punctuation in the description below but I did delete the subheadings and references.

[From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia:]
The scuppernong is a large variety of muscadine (Vitis rotundifolia), a species of grape native to the southeastern United States.  It is usually a greenish or bronze color and is similar in appearance and texture to a white grape, but rounder and larger and first known as the ‘big white grape.’

The name comes from the Scuppernong River in North Carolina mainly along the coastal plain, where it was first mentioned as a “white grape” in a written logbook by the Florentine explorer Giovanni de Verrazzano while exploring the Cape Fear River Valley in 1524 . . . Sir Walter Raleigh‘s explorers, the captains Phillip Amadas and Arthur Barlowe, wrote in 1584 that North Carolina’s coast was “…so full of grapes as the very beating and surge of the sea overflowed them…in all the world, the like abundance is not to be found.” And in 1585, Governor Ralph Lane, when describing North Carolina to Raleigh, stated that “We have discovered the main to be the goodliest soil under the cope of heaven, so abounding with sweet trees that bring rich and pleasant, grapes of such greatness, yet wild, as France, Spain, nor Italy hath no greater…”

It was first cultivated during the 17th century, particularly in Tyrrell County. Isaac Alexander found it while hunting along the banks of a stream feeding into Scuppernong Lake in 1755; it is mentioned in the North Carolina official state toast. The name itself traces back to the Algonquian word ascopo meaning “sweet bay tree”.

The fruit grows where temperatures seldom fall below 10° Fahrenheit. Injury can occur where winter temperatures drop below 0° Fahrenheit. Some cultivars such as Magnolia, Carlos, and Sterling survive north to Virginia and west to the Blue Ridge Mountain foothills. Muscadines have a high tolerance to diseases and pests. Over 100 years of breeding has resulted in several bronze cultivars such as Carlos, Doreen, Magnolia and Triumph, that are distinguished by being perfect flowered (male and female flower parts together) from the Scuppernong variety with only female flower parts.

The oldest cultivated grapevine in the world is the 400 year old scuppernong “Mother Vine” growing on Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The scuppernong is the state fruit of North Carolina.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, in her Florida memoirs, Cross Creek, [Scribner’s, 1942, pages 222-223] says this:  “The Scuppernong grape is not a Florida native, but cuttings from old Carolina and Georgia vines have been brought in with many a covered wagon and on many an ox-cart.  The vine thrives here in the dry sandy soil, and on many abandoned clearings, where even the brick chimneys have fallen into dust, a huge Scuppernong will stand, seeming to support the rotten lattice work rather than to be sustained by it, an echo of some dead and gone family struggle for existence.  The purple Scuppernong is rich and fat and unexceptional, but the white Scuppernong, in the lands of loving and expert care, makes a vintage wine that can stand with the best Sauterne.”


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It’s About Time…..

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

 

Just look at this substantial timepiece on my delicate arm.   I recently bought, for Stephen and me, matching Men’s Timex Ironman Triathalon wristwatches.  Water resistant to 100 meters, they count laps [a maximum of 100], record times, and store workouts, for each session.  You may ask me, “Why not buy the women’s version of this watch for yourself?” Well, the women’s color choices were pink, purple, or baby blue and I preferred black or navy.  And – get this – the women’s version records only a maximum of 50 laps per session!  I don’t mean to sound arrogant but I already swim 50 laps in one session and I plan to incrementally increase my laps in the future!

Wearing this rather hefty chronographer on my wrist, I looked down yesterday and thought, “That’s ironic; I never before thought of myself as an athlete!” Well, in my former life, who would have suspected that I would become an athlete in my 50’s?

Certainly not my teachers, coaches, or fellow students. Do you remember those students in High School Physical Education?  The ones who were always the last to be chosen for teams?  Well, I was one of those students.  I was afraid of the ball, I lacked eye-hand coordination, and I was not aggressive.  I did, however, shine during the Folk Dance Unit of Physical Education and I took years of ballet lessons.   I danced with confidence and joy.  I resumed adult ballet lessons a few years ago and, let me tell you, it may not be a sport but it is very strenuous and demanding!

Certainly not my father, the sports enthusiast, athlete, and coach. Imagine his disappointment:  I was always a “sports zero,” in spite of the fact that I was [brace yourself] a cheerleader and a song leader in high school.  I understood nothing about football the entire four years that I was cheering/song leading.  Eventually, I did kind of get the gist of basketball, however.

Certainly not my husband: When we were newlyweds, he dedicated himself to teaching me tennis and I humored him by huffing and puffing and playing Eliza Doolittle to his Henry Higgins.   A natural athlete, he has [previously] always out-shined me in sports endeavors, such as tennis, running, and hiking.

O, woe was I!  The humiliation of it all!  The deep disappointment!  The loneliness!  I tell you, the life of a sport outcast is too painful for words!

Ahhh, but now the sweet revenge!

I have not yet attended any of my high school reunions.  However, judging from the photographs, it appears to me that not all the former athletes are current athletes.   Is that a kind enough way to say it?

And, now it is Stephen, who is “nipping at my fins,” as he describes it, trying to out-swim me!  I encourage him all that I can, short of slowing down.  Every time I see him gaining on me, in the next lane over, I cannot resist the temptation to speed up!  I see him, out of the corner of my eye, and I start humming a few bars of “Just you wait, Henry Higgins, just you wait!” as I race him to the wall and complete my flip turn just as he touches the wall.  I must say, he has been a very good, um, “sport” about this surprising exchange of roles.

Every time I look down at my Timex, I think how much fun it would be to show my father.   If he were here, he would slap his knees and “hoot” in delight.  After all, he first taught me how to swim!  When I was three or four, I stood on the side of the pool and yelled, “My tine, my tine!” [“My turn!”] because I was so eager for my turn to jump into the pool, where my dad would catch me and teach me to swim to the side.

I may be a late-blooming athlete but I am now committed to life-long fitness.  In fact, I am currently training for Senior Olympics! Only – well — they don’t exactly know about it yet . . .

I decided to wear my new watch every day – not merely on swimming days.  However, please do not get the wrong impression.  I wear it not to boast or call attention to myself.  Nope. I may now be a silver-haired grandmother but I figure nobody messes with a gal wearing a watch like this.

Coram Deo,

Margot

P. S.  In related news, at the FSU Physiology Department, I passed my first fitness evaluation with flying colors!  Emily, the Research Coordinator, fitted me with a heart monitor and, while I was standing or sitting, the monitor did not register because – you guessed it — my heart rate was too slow!   This kind of news makes my physicians very happy!

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Prunes & Espresso

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

FSU Morcom Aquatics Center: 50 meter pool

I thought you might enjoy seeing a photograph of “my home away from home:’  the pool where Stephen and I currently swim laps three mornings a week.  Isn’t this place gorgeous?  During the summer, we swam in the 50 meter pool [above].  However, during the academic year we swim in the 25-meter dive pool during the same time [8 am] that the FSU Swim Team works out in the 50-meter pool.  I find the atmosphere very stimulating!  The advantage of the dive pool is that it is 82-83 degrees, which is lovely, except that the outdoor temperature will continue to decrease, throughout the fall and winter.  This makes entering the pool oh-so-inviting but exiting the pool is excruciating! And yes, it does get cold here in North West Florida.

This morning, I swam about 50 laps [one lap is 50 meters] in about 60 minutes. Keep in mind, however, that I swim with fins and paddles.  Swimming with Stephen has motivated me to swim faster and better, as I am very competitive.  He warns me, however, that he is “nipping at my fins.”  My retort is that I am very afraid and will faint after breakfast . . .

Here is a bit of good news!  I have recently been accepted as a subject in an FSU Research Study [Physiology Department] which will run for six months, beginning November 2010.  The study, for post-menopausal breast cancer survivors, will study the effect of exercise and dried plum consumption on bone density.  I will participate in rigorous, supervised exercise, two days a week at FSU, as part of the study.  I can’t wait!  I report for my baseline assessments on October 20 and 27.

At the same time, I will conduct a personal research study in swimming, studying the effect of espresso coffee consumption on swim performance.  The experimental phase will include one cup of espresso before swimming.  The control phase will exclude the cup of espresso before swimming.  I told Stephen that I think the experimental phase is going to last a very long time . . .

Coram Deo,

Margot

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Reaching for the Other Side

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

Summer 2010:  Margot & Stephen

[Not a great photo but you can see my new “hair-grow,” as opposed to “hair-cut.”]

This week, I received my last Herceptin infusion!  I will continue to take Tamoxifen, for a total of five years.  I am now almost 16 months past the date of my diagnosis [June 2, 2009], I have passed a battery of diagnostic tests, and I appear to be very healthy and strong.

So, what’s next for me?  Well, in three months, in November 2010, I will have my first office visit with and examination by Dr. Broeseker, my new oncologist.  [Dr. Mabry retired.]  If I am still healthy and strong [I am not sure how that will be quantified], Dr. Broesker will contact Dr. Crooms, my surgeon, and I will return to the hospital for the operation to remove the Infusa-Port – oh, happy day!

And, when that happy day arrives, together we can give thanks to the Triune God, for I will have finally made it “to the other side,” a reference that I used earlier in this blog.  At that time, I asked you to continue to pray for me, until the day that I safely reached “the other side” of the “pool,” so to speak.

I am unceasingly grateful for each of you dear family members and friends, who have supported me, above the water, with your faithful prayers, communiqués, gifts, and encouragement!  Some of you, because of your own breast cancer experience, were also with me down in the water, coaching me, and to you I give special thanks!

Speaking of the pool, I continue to be amazed at the progress of Stephen’s swimming proficiency.  One of the keys to his recent rapid improvement has been my purchase of a pair of “optic” swim goggles for each of us.  Before the new goggles, Stephen felt claustrophobic in the pool, as a result of cloudy, blurry sight and “tunnel vision.”  As soon as he put on the new optic goggles, his fear began to dissipate and he made significant progress in his ability.  I only regret that I did not discover optic swim goggles earlier because Stephen had to struggle for over a year without them!

However, in retrospect, I think we learn best after a season of being submerged, as it were, in an environment where our vision is limited.  I wish I could give credit to the person who wisely said, “We see most clearly in the dark.” Is it the presence of the darkness that makes us desperately yearn for the light?  Or does the darkness force us to highly-tune our other faculties, in order to compensate for our reduced ability to see?

At any rate, without those times of darkness, we would never have to depend upon the Triune God and we would not be in a teachable position, to learn the richest lessons.  The season of darkness endures and we must learn to patiently bear it.  When the darkness subsides, we find we have developed, through the suffering, an improved vision, for God has provided for us a better set of lenses.

In this life, I will soon reach a milestone of health, if it pleases God.  Yet, this past year has taught me to increasingly yearn for the presence of the “High King of heaven:  When victory is won, may I reach heaven’s joys, bright heaven’s Sun!” It is through the seasons of suffering that we learn to relax our grip on the fleeting things of this life:  we begin to yearn for the joy, truth, and beauty of the next life.

Whatever befall,” no matter what my earthly situation is, the Sovereign Triune God is righteous, just, good, and loving because it is His nature to be so.  My circumstances never alter His character. It is for this reason that I sing this hymn:

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; all else be nought to me, save that thou art,

Thou my best thought, by day or by night, waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word; I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord!

Thou my great Father; thine own may I be; thou in me dwelling, and I one with thee.

High King of heaven, when victory is won, may I reach heaven’s joys, bright heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”

[–And I pray this prayer:]

“O Lord, increase my faith, strengthen me and confirm me in Thy true faith:

Endue me with wisdom, charity, and patience, in all my adversity, sweet Jesus, say Amen.”

My dear family and friends:  I’ll be continuing to write on this blog, about once a month, on a variety of subjects.  So, please check back often and keep in touch!

Coram Deo,

Margot

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The Fragrance of Scuppernongs

This evening, on our wedding anniversary, my husband brings home to me a gift:  a brown paper bag full of moist, ripe Scuppernongs.  The aroma, redolent and wild, takes me back, more than 50 years, to the North Carolina home and gardens of my grandmother.  My husband sits with me on the porch at dusk and patiently listens to my memories of a time he never knew, of a place he never visited, and of a woman he never met.

My husband declares that, come spring, he will build a sturdy wooden grape arbor inside our walled garden.  It will stand alongside the southern side of our brick house, next to the kitchen.  I envision just how it will be:

Our transplanted Scuppernong cutting will remember that it descends from a centuries-old native North Carolina vine.  Over the years, our vine will flourish and blossom, proudly and generously, in the soil, sun, and rain of North Florida.

And, finally, early one fine September morning, a few years from today, our wild grapes will display the delicate, translucent hues of amber and bronze.  Then, we will gather our grandchildren under the arbor and lift them up, one by one, to pick the ripened globes. Their eyes will register surprise and delight, as they bite into the tough outer skin and taste the juicy sweetness within.

The canopy of the arbor, dense and verdant, will shelter us all and, even 50 years from now, the fragrance of Scuppernongs will linger still.

Margot Blair Payne

September 2, 2010: Our 37th wedding anniversary

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Summer Highlights

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

The harbingers of fall:  the odontonema strictum [firespike/cardinal guard] is blooming, drawing lots of ruby-throated hummingbirds; time to plant lycoris [hurricane lilies]; the daylight hours are shortening; the morning sunlight enters the windows in a different angle; and the temperature and humidity are dropping slightly!

Here is a review of the highlights of the busy summer just past:

Marmee [Margot] and grandson, Benjamin, [18 months] — floating lessons:

The Annual Blair Clan Family Reunion in Beech Mountain, NC:

Uncle Garrett & Benjamin, on a nature hike:

My nephew, Nathan, and Benjamin at a wildlife sanctuary:

Daddah [Stephen] and Benjamin, on a hike on the Blue Ridge Parkway:

Daddah [Stephen] & Benjamin enjoy the coolness of a mountain brook:

Benjamin enjoys a breakfast smoothie, made by my niece, Rebecca:

Sweet dreams in the mountains:

Coram Deo,

Margot

P. S.  I am feeling extremely well, swimming at least one mile three times a week, coaching swimming, and I have only two more Herceptin infusions!  Thanks for continuing to read this blog and to pray for my continued health!

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The Bitter and the Sweet

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

A positive health update:  I am tolerating [with no side effects] the Herceptin infusions, which will continue once every three weeks, until October 1.  A series of diagnostic tests indicate that my heart is very strong, in spite of the cardio-toxic properties of Herceptin. I am also tolerating the Tamoxifen, with no serious side effects, except some visual blurring.

Stephen & I swim laps — one mile — every other day.  I am very proud of Stephen, who has gone from a non-swimmer [July 2009] to a skilled free-style swimmer [July 2010.] Gaining a swimming buddy, who also happens to my husband, is the first of six gains, in 2009-2010, compared to my loss [diagnosis, surgery, chemo].

The second gain was the birth of Benjamin, now almost 18 months old.  Summer 2009 provided the third gain: the joy of wishing Garrett “Bon Voyage,” as he fulfilled a 10-year desire to travel to Europe. My sister and her husband [Susan & Alan] moved to NC from PA and this was the fourth gain. The fifth gain: Daniel, Haley, and Benjamin moved home to Tallahassee.

The sixth gain: The prayers of all you faithful friends & family!  I must thank you gain for your encouragement and support. Because of all of you,  I survived the losses of the past year. However, I am beginning to realize that it is those very losses [the “bitter“] that offer to me a perspective to increasingly appreciate the gains [the “sweet“]!

In addition to swimming, I have my own Personal Trainer!  I highly recommend him:  Ever since we started meeting, I have lost weight and trimmed inches!  Here are photos of him, leading me through my intensive paces:

Nature Walks

Water Sprinkler Run & Jump

Playground Gym/Obstacle Course

Coram Deo,

Margot

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Simple Pleasures

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Simple Pleasures:  A True Story

Well, here I was, finished with my Pilates Class and my Nature Walk.  Since I was already on the north part of town, I decided to drive on over to the Tallahassee Camera Center.  Only – I forget — now they call it the Tallahassee Image Center.   I needed to find replacement parts for a piece of equipment that I had stowed in the trunk of the car.

It was a cold morning so I was dressed in baggy sweatpants, a sweatshirt and athletic shoes.  [I gave a good sniff to make sure my shoes didn’t smell — dogs are allowed on that Nature Trail, you know!]  Of course, I had on no makeup and was rather disheveled from two hours of exercise.  And wouldn’t you just know it?  I had forgotten my hairbrush that day!  But, no problem — I just smoothed down the halo of “frizzies” with my hands and some saliva and gathered my hair into a ponytail.  [I always think you should be resourceful and try to look as youthful as possible.]

I arrived at the Image Center and grabbed the handle of the equipment case, hauled it into the store, and heaved it onto the top of the counter.  The young gal behind the counter blinked a few times at me and then her eyes rested on the case.  When I snapped open the case and removed the lid, she held her breath and her eyes opened wide in wonderment and awe, as if I had unveiled a mastodon fossil or the Shroud of Turin.

She was still dazed and astounded, even after I explained that it was only my father’s 1952 Bell & Howell slide projector.  I figured she was too young to appreciate such a fine piece of technology.  Sure enough, she declared that she had never seen anything like it before!  [That filled me with pride when I heard her say that.]

 

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I explained to her that, in the spring, my sisters and I, the Blair sisters, were going to use the projector to go through a thousand or so Blair Family slides.  We wanted to make sure that the projector was “running like a top.”  So, I asked her to plug it in and test it out.  But she vowed and declared that she was not sure how to go about it!  Seeing that she lacked confidence, I gave her a chance to figure it out herself.  I watched her fiddle and faddle for a few minutes and then I offered to help her.  Together, we figured out how to turn on the lamp and the fan.  Everything seemed to run fine.

However, the young gal still seemed quiet, shy, and kind of nervous.  I remembered how Dad & Mom always liked to chat with folks to help them relax.  I thought about how I could make a “connection.”  I wanted her to know that we – the Blair Family — were just “plain folks,” so that she would not be so intimidated.  After all, not all families think such a heap about passing on heirlooms in pristine condition.

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So, I related to her a little slice of our family history:  . . . .

. . . In the 1960’s, on the weekends, we four kids gathered around the coffee table in the living room and watched the The Lawrence Welk Show, while Dad & Mom made home-made Chef Boyardee Pizza in the kitchen.  We kids hurried through supper, kitchen cleanup, and our baths.  We helped Dad set up the slide projector, remove the framed art from one wall, and hang an old sheet on that blank wall.  Then, we each grabbed a Nu-Grape Soda and an Eskimo Pie and settled in to watch the show.

For over an hour, Dad projected slides of family vacations, holidays, and special occasions, all in color and larger than life.  I tell you, when we saw the 1950’s images of our younger selves [say, on Christmas morning, with our “bed head” and our weird, nerdy eyeglasses] we laughed so hard that we snorted soda out of our noses and drooled and dribbled ice cream onto our clean pajamas.

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[NOT my family!]

 

I confided to the young gal that my siblings and I intended to keep up the family tradition and provide that same kind of entertainment for our children and grandchildren.  I mean, why would children need a radio, a record player, or even a TV, when they could have that kind of family fun?

. . . As I related the story, the young gal blinked some more and was rendered speechless.  She was evidently mesmerized by my story and maybe a little envious, too.  She was obviously a stranger to the simple pleasures of family togetherness.  I felt sorry for her.

So, I decided to change the subject and asked:  Do you have any replacement parts for the projector? A lamp and a lens, maybe?   

That was when I thought I saw her eye twitch.  The poor child was slow to respond.  You know, I began to wonder if she was dim-witted!

So, I remembered to be kind and patient.  I prompted her to look behind the counter.  I encouraged her to check the pegs on the wall behind the counter, the shelves, and the storage room, too.  [I was kind of surprised that she had not thought of all the places to search.]

Now, do you know, that in that whole fancy store, there were no replacement parts for the “Bell & Howell TDC Headliner 303?”  This puzzled me because everybody knows that the Tallahassee Image Center is the oldest and best camera shop in town!

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Well, anyway, remembering my manners, I thanked the young gal for her help, as I clicked the lid onto the case.  At this point, she snapped out of her stupor.  I guess my warm friendliness had finally perked her up a little.  In fact, she sprang into action:  She raced me to the door, opened it up for me, and heartily wished me “good luck in finding the parts I needed.

I lugged the projector back to the trunk of my car.  I drove away and shook my head in wonderment at a world where you could not buy replacement parts locally for a perfectly good 1952 slide projector.  If that isn’t planned obsolescence, I don’t know what is!

~~~Margot Blair Payne

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Places of Enchantment

For Father’s Day, June 2010

Places of Enchantment:  A Tribute to Alton Bernard “Nobby” Blair

Born October 29, 1919 and Died February 21, 2006

A few months after my mother died, my father moved to Tallahassee and, for almost five months, he lived only one mile from our Payne home.  At first, I wondered how he and I would find “common ground” during our daily visits, for Dad was a “doer” and I was a “dreamer.”  He had been an athlete, a coach, an educator, and a military officer.  A handyman who could fix anything, he was a wood craftsman and built furniture and clocks for his family.  He even designed and built the interior of his retirement mountain home.  I, on the other hand, was often lost in the world of “arts and ideas.”

One autumn evening, I introduced Dad to the film, Cross Creek, based on the memoirs of Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings and her 25 years of community life in rural central Florida.  The film was enchanting:  it was beautiful, quiet, thoughtful, and lyrical.  At breakfast the next morning, he said, “I am still thinking about that film.”   He had never been a reader of literature, so I was amazed when he devoted two hours, every night, to reading the book, Cross Creek. It had captured his imagination, as it had always captured mine.

During those fall evenings, chapter-by-chapter, he and I enthused about Cross Creek:  We shared our favorite passages; critiqued the writing style; discussed the characters, the land and water, the woods and wildlife, the flora and fauna, the food and folkways.  After finishing the book, he ruefully told me that, to him, all other reading had become dull.  I quickly asked my sisters, Susan and Amy, to order other Rawlings book titles for Dad.  In astonishment, they asked each other, “Which Dad would that be?”

I was delighted, yet puzzled, by this new-found connection that Dad and I shared, until I pondered this quote by Rawlings:

“I do not understand how anyone can live without some small place of enchantment to turn to.”   

I then asked myself, “Who was it that first introduced you to places of enchantment?” . . . . .

. . . . . In the summers of the 1960’s, our West Coast Blair Family Retreat was to the campgrounds of Big Sur, California:  Together, we chose the best rustic campsite by the creek, set up the tent; read, napped, and gazed up at the sunlight, peeking through the majestic sequoias and redwoods; hiked up to the water falls and crossed moss-covered footbridges; fell asleep to the soothing sound of the bubbling creek; and woke up to the call of the song birds, in the morning.

As my younger brother, Michael, said, “Well, here we all are – out in the natures!”

In my memories of Big Sur, the moonlight shone on huge stepping-stones, as our family crossed the shallow creek, to gather with the other families, at the outdoor amphitheatre.  We huddled around the campfire, sipped hot cocoa, and waited for the park ranger to greet us:  “Howdy, Campers!”  He led us in rousing renditions of campfire songs; we sang with unabashed enthusiasm and learned all the hand-motions, too.

Even forty years later, my father still loved to sing those campfire songs with his family.  We sang them, every summer, at our East Coast Blair Family Retreat:  the North Carolina mountain home of my parents.  Dad and Susan created identical “Campfire Songbooks” for each member of the growing Blair Clan.  Ten years ago, in Blowing Rock, North Carolina, Michael led family and friends in singing campfire songs, after the celebration dinner that commemorated the 50th wedding anniversary of my parents.

We discovered that we could take those songs anywhere:  They were our connection to each other, to places of enchantment, and to all that was true, good, and pure about nature and family life. . . . .

. . . . . Back in Tallahassee, sitting with Dad, the daylight hours were shortening, as the autumn of 2005 faded into winter.  The Rawlings books arrived, which my sisters had ordered.  However, by then, Dad was too weak to read them, so, during the evenings, at his bedside, I read extracts to him.  With delight, I told him of this discovery:  “Mizz Rawlin’s” spent one fall season, in 1936, living and writing in a retreat cabin, in Banner Elk, NC.  I could imagine her, gazing out her cabin window, drawing inspiration from the same magnificent, panoramic view that would captivate my father, some 40 years later.  Dad would then introduce his family to this enchanted place and it would become our Blair Clan Reunion Retreat for the next 25 summers.

In the final weeks of his life, my father often reviewed his life in “daydreams.”  These were vivid, strong, and persistent memories; they represented events that had been very important to him.

One day, I asked him, “What are you day-dreaming about?”

He answered, “Big Sur.”  He spoke only in a whisper and his eyes were closed but he could smile and nod.

I told him, “I remember waking to the good aroma of your campfire coffee and breakfast in the mornings.”  He smiled.

I asked him, “Do you remember the morning when a blue jay zoomed down and snatched a hot blueberry pancake off a plate on the picnic table?”   He nodded.

I continued: “Do you remember what you said, as you scratched your head and watched the little thief fly away?”   He waited.

I reminded him, “You said, ‘That was either a very light pancake or a very strong bird!’”   

He smiled and the corners of his eyes wrinkled with delight, in the remembering.  He went back to sleep.

It was only Valentine’s Day but an early spring had arrived in Tallahassee:  The, azalea, dogwood, and redbud were blooming.  I was overjoyed when my father lived long enough to see a Carolina chickadee return, at last, to the window bird feeder.  Dad did not live long enough to return, one last time, to the mountains of North Carolina.  One week later, he was gone from the land and water he loved so well.  However, before his passing, he had imparted to his children and grandchildren a desire to turn — and return — to places of enchantment.  This legacy will be his strong connection to many generations.

Margot Blair Payne, Daughter, The First Week of Lent 2006, Tallahassee, FL

“ . . . If there be such a thing as [collective or instinctual] memory, the consciousness of land and water must lie deeper in the core of us than any knowledge of our fellow beings.  We were bred of earth before we were born of our mothers.  Once born, we can live without mother or father, or any other kin, or any friend, or any human love.  We cannot live without the earth or apart from it, and something is shriveled in a man’s heart when he turns away from it and concerns himself only with the affairs of men.”

“ . . . It seems to me that the earth may be borrowed but not bought.  It may be used but not owned.  It gives itself in response to love and tending, offers its seasonal flowering and fruiting.  But we are tenants and not possessors, lovers and not masters.  Cross Creek belongs to the wind and the rain, to the sun, and the seasons, to the cosmic secrecy of seed, and beyond all, to time.”

~~~All quotes are from Cross Creek, the memoirs of Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, 1942, Scribner’s

Epilogue:  August 14, 2006

One week after the Memorial Service for my father, my husband, Stephen, and I returned to The Hiding Place Columbarium, a walled garden on the property of the Banner Elk Presbyterian Church.  My parents chose this garden as their final resting place:  Their cremains, each contained within an urn, are interred within two niches, side-by-side.  Brass plaques identify their names, dates of birth, and dates of death.

From the vantage point of the garden, Stephen and I turned around in a circle and surveyed the sweeping vista of the mountains:  The view beyond the Columbarium Garden Archway faced the majestic Grandfather Mountain.  The opposite view led to Beech Mountain, where my parents built their retirement home.  To the left of the archway, a short distance up the hill from the Columbarium Garden, stood the sturdy, stone church, over 150 years old, the denomination of my Scottish ancestors. Yet another direction revealed the road leading to The Grandfather Home for Children.  My parents had been enthusiastic supporters and promoters of this home, which gives hope, health, and healing to children from troubled homes.

By vehicle, we followed the road to the Grandfather Home for Children. On foot, we explored the property and found a bench and a commemorative marker, which the Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings Society had placed:

Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings ~ 1896-1953

Rawlings wrote the first draft of her Pulitzer-winning novel, The Yearling, in this location.  Her famous short story, A Mother in Mannville, featured a boy at Grandfather Home.  Both stories are popular MGM movies.

~~~~~~~~~~

[For more information:  Marjorie Rawlings In the Mountains:  The Story Behind A Mother in Mannville, Mary Dudley Gilmer, 2004.]

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Interiors

The Second Sunday of Pentecost

Dear Faithful Family & Friends,

First, an update:  I am doing very well!  Herceptin infusions continue, once every three weeks, without any noticeable side effects. I am going strong with swimming and water aerobics.  I have worked back up to swimming one mile per session [about 2-3 times per week].

On May 10, Daniel & Haley & Benjamin moved here from Waco, TX.  They lived with us for three weeks and are now settling into their first home, which is only six houses away from Garrett’s home [and only minutes away from our home]!

Second, family and friends often ask me, “Why/when did you become Anglican?” I wrote “Interiors” a couple of years ago, in order to provide a brief answer to that question.  I begin with a quote by C. S. Lewis.

Interiors

“I hope no reader will suppose that ‘mere’ Christianity is here put forward as an alternative to the creeds of the existing communions – as if a man could adopt it in preference to Congregationalism or Greek Orthodoxy or anything else.  It is more like a hall out of which doors open to several rooms.  If I can bring anyone into that hall I shall have done what I attempted.  But it is in the rooms, not in the hall, that there are fires and chairs and meals.  The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in.  For that purpose the worst of the rooms [whichever that may be] is, I think, preferable.  It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at.  I do not know why there is this difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that is good for him to wait.  When you do get into your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise.  But you must regard it as waiting, not as camping.  You must keep on praying for light:  and, of course, even in the hall, you must begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house.  And above all, you must be asking which door is the true one, not which pleases you best by its paint and paneling.  In plain language, the question should never be, ‘Do I like that kind of service?’ but ‘Are these doctrines true:  Is holiness here?  Does my conscience move me toward this?  Is my reluctance to knock at this door due to my pride, or my mere taste, or my personal dislike of this particular door-keeper?’

When you have reached your own room, be kind to those who have chosen different doors and to those who are still in the hall.  If they are wrong they need your prayers all the more; and if they are your enemies, then you are under orders to pray for them.  That is one of the rules common to the whole house.”

~C. S. Lewis, excerpt from the book, Mere Christianity, 1952, Macmillan Publishing.

 

The above imagery by Lewis reminds me of my childhood discovery on a wintry day at the 1920 home of my grandmother:

In the center of the house was a fully-enclosed, dark, square hall.  Four doors, located north, south, east, and west, opened up from the hall into various rooms.  Also, the central stairway was located inside the hall.  I climbed the stairs and located two doors, one to either side of the landing.  I opened one of the doors, which revealed a guest room.  Inside the room, I opened an interior door, which led to a dark, small, musty clothes-closet.  I pushed aside the hanging clothes and discovered that – lo and behold!  A secret door was hidden at the back of the clothes-closet!  I opened this concealed door and stepped into a cavernous attic room, filled with sunlight.  I squinted my eyes, to adjust to the brightness.  I positioned a chair underneath a large window.  I climbed up and opened the window latch.  I stood on tip-toes to scan the wide, clear sky and to breathe the crisp, cold air.

“Not all who wander are lost.” [Tolkein] I was not lost but I was a wanderer for 25 years within the “hall” of contemporary evangelical churches, which endeavored to be inter-denominational or non-denominational.  I began to yearn for a more permanent residence:  one that embraced Community and Creed, Doxology and Theology, Faith and Reason.

One Christmas Eve, 2000, I tried the door leading to Anglicanism, where I found fires, chairs and meals:  Here was the warmth of community with believers, not merely contemporary and local, but also historical and global.  Here was the sturdy foundation of doctrine, based upon the Authority of Holy Scripture, assisted now by Faith, Reason and Tradition.  Here also was nourishment, not only from the reading and preaching of the Word, but also from the real and living Presence of Christ, in the Holy Eucharist.

Opening the door to Anglicanism revealed yet another door:  a portal to the creeds, prayers, and hymns of ancient and historic Christian faith.  My search had brought me full circle:  As a child, I attended liturgical worship services, which shaped me in ways that were subtle, yet strong and sure, for as N. T. Wright reminds us, “The Liturgy is a means of grace; it is God ministering to us.”

The Language of Liturgy slowly unveils to us the meaning of its metaphors.  The Words of Worship strengthen and sustain us; they form and transform us.  The Language and Words, vast and ageless, are filled with light and life.

~~~Margot Blair Payne, Advent 2007

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